lessons learned 2012

After spending hours writing a horribly depressing and dramatic piece of how my year was not all that it was cracked up to be, aka my 2012 reflection. I am flippinitandswitchinitandreversinit (yep you know that missy elliot song) , and making it positively awesomer! :) I was really inspired by this post by Natalie of She takes on the world. It made me realize that whatever good or bad thing that has happened has taught me something. Coming from this perspective, gives me a chance to reflect on what I've learned.. soo here are some of the things I've learned in 2012!

This year I've learned...

To have a quarter-life-crisis or two or three...

Post-graduation life was definitely not what I dreamt of! I left college in hopes of dreams, romance, and independence.. umm no things to not magically fall into place right after graduation. Your too busy trying to get a job, and generally, trying to figure out your life. But life did not want to give me a break at all. I just kept getting hit with one curveball after the other, punching the life out of me and completely sucking me of any emotional, physical and mental energy. Yes, this year was like that for me and led to many quarter-life crisises. I have no idea why I had so many things happen to me all at the same time. But I can't deny that it has strengthened me as a person, and allowed me to rely more on intuition and myself. Even though I really wanted to give up and sometimes I did. But all those tears and fighting seem so worth it now... You just have to let them happen, they'll leave you more enlightened about who you are as a person, challenge you on the things you really want, and hopefully push you to reach for the things that you really do want regardless of the expectations of others. 

To stop comparing yourself to others. 

Can I just say that the worst tool that supports comparison to others is Facebook. It just makes everyone else’s life seem so much better than it really is. When in reality, all of us have some sort of struggle that we just don’t show. I am completely guilty of comparing yourself to someone else's picture perfect Facebook world. It makes you feel like you’re not enough, and that you’re not doing enough. But the truth is everyone's journey is different, and looking at other people's lives will only make you feel miserable. You can never live their life, so just do you, and follow your own path!

To forgive them anyways. Sometimes the people you trust most will disappoint you and hurt you in ways that you never even thought they could. This was one of many curveballs that hit me hard. I was so angry, how could someone do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I still ask myself this sometimes but at the end of the day, I can’t allow what happened in the past to affect me in the present or my future, what’s done is done, and Forgiveness is the only way for me to move on and continue with my own life.

To find faith in something other than yourself.
I've found myself praying, and talking to God a lot more. I'm not particular religious, but I am spiritual. But I found faith in Him, because I know that he doesn't give me all this pain so I do nothing with it. I know that he gives me pains so I may pick myself up again and do His work. I was mad at God a lot for taking away my dad, I would yell and cry, but in the end I know God still loves me and that he has his reasons. And I have faith that He has a plan for me.

To travel to get Clarity

And in the quarter life crisis' that I had, I decided to go to Europe for one month. Yes, it was cliche, but who cares its Europe! And it was amazing, eye-opening and hella enlightening. I don't care what people say, sometimes you really need to just leave your situation to think about life and where its going. Clarity and no distractions. And my mind became quite clear on what I wanted to do, and what I had to do.

That Life changes direction, and that's OK!

No one ever told me that changing directions was okay. I always thought that changing career paths or changing whatever your doing, was NOT something that you were supposed to do. It’s probably the type-a, perfectionist in me that told myself this. But coming to the acceptance that its normal to have your goals and direction change, it has really helped me to get control over my life again, and really feel happy. Its okay if things don't go as planned, just go with it.

That you will find out who is really there for you.

Through my toughest times, I've come to find who my real friends are. I've come to find that the ones that check on you, the ones who can look past your "I'm okay" and see that your not okay, the ones you can laugh with, the ones you can cry with... these are the ones worth keeping and worth giving too. Its really not how many friends you have but the quality of each person's character and the way they are there for you when you feel completely and utterly alone. I am so grateful to have so many people that support and love me.

To always be grateful.

Daily gratitude is so important for me, its become something I do everyday I wake up, if I don't want to roll out of bed, I list all the things I'm grateful for, and then I do it again before I go to sleep. Being thankful is important because you realize what you have, I'm constantly working hard to be the best, and sometimes this prevents me from appreciating the people, and things in my life now. Being grateful keeps you in check, and allows room for more good things to happen! 

That any decision is better than not making one. 

I never thought of this before, but deciding to not make a decision is also a choice. And I didn't want to decide anything for the longest time, because I was so unsure of my decision-making abilities, I didn't trust myself anymore. I let myself fall a part, and do that, because I just had to go through that. But after all the bad things, I'm starting to trust myself again, because I feel making the decision to step away for fashion, even just for a little bit, feels like the right decision, and for me, someone who's felt like I haven't been able to make the right decision in so long, I feel so right! Just pick a decision and go with it, it’s better than being stuck in limbo not making a choice.

To do things for you. 

I made a lot of decisions, based on what I thought I had to do and be for other people. I thought I had to continue on the same path, because I was more concerned with the way my friends, family and everyone else I knew was going to take this. This is what really made me so unhappy, and unsatisfied with the life that I was living, I was trying to do things because of other people and what they thought of me. And I'm finally starting to just do it, for me, like starting this blog, and starting my new career. Its scary, but I'm doing it because I want to, and because I need to. I really feel so much better now that I'm doing it for ME! 

2012 gave me some of the toughest lessons of my life. I could have given up so many times, because I just kept getting knocked down over and over again. But I finally feel like the end of this year, has finally lifted me up, and will accelerate me positively through the New Year! I'm excited to start a new adventure, and go through new challenges, and learn some more.

So what did you learn this year? 

<3 Kelly